It’s important to say how you feel and for the children to say so and yet so many of us say I am angry/sad etc.
When we say I am………….. it can be harder to change the feeling as it becomes more of our identity. If you say I feel angry/sad etc. then our subconscious knows that it is a feeling and it can be changed easily.
If your child says I am …………, reflect back to them what they’re saying…… “So you feel Angry”, “so you feel frustrated.”
I can see you’re feeling angry or “Yes, I can see how upset you are feeling.”
(Link to affirmations)

Separate their behaviour from them. “I love you very much; I don’t like your behaviour.”
“You are amazing although I don’t like this behaviour.”
“I like you, I don’t the way you are behaving.”

It’s not just about your children, you are important too. If you’re not feeling great, then talk about how you feel. It’s better to say if you don’t feel in a great mood rather than the children picking it up and feeling unsure around you and this applies to teachers in the classroom too. As long as you communicate that it is your responsibility to change how you feel and not there’s. For example, “I just want to let you know that I’m not feeling that good today, don’t worry as it’s my feelings and it’s okay that I’m feeling this way as I know that I will feel happy again, I just didn’t want you to wonder why I’m not my usual self or think you’ve done something wrong”
So, it is okay to feel a negative feeling as long as we realise that it is just a feeling and we have a choice to change how we feel and that we don’t get stuck in that feeling. We don’t have to have a happy smile on our faces all of the time for our children. It is good for them to see we are human too.
At the moment mental health is a huge topic, and there is so much talk about being positive and happy, and yes, let’s do that, however, I repeat what I have already said IT IS OKAY TO FEEL and is so important that we feel and don’t push our feelings down and ignore them. Give yourself and the children space to express feelings and use the tools so they can change how they feel and don’t get stuck.

If your child is feeling stressed or anxious, there is a great tool to the wash their worries away. When they take a bath or a shower they can imagine that all of their worries are going to be washed off them and drain away down the plug hole. They can even watch them circle round, and down the plug so they know that they have gone. They can then focus on a positive, happy thought.

Teenagers use this as well as adults so you can use this too. I use this at the end of my day. I just imagine that anything that isn’t mine like other people’s problems, energy etc. is being washed from me and going down the plughole. If you’ve had a disagreement with someone, then let that go. Anything that isn’t helping you by holding onto it can be washed off you. It is a very effective tool.

Another tool is:

Ask them,

Where in your body are you feeling this stress/worry?

What colour Is It?

If It was a shape, what shape would It be?

Are there any sounds with It?

Quite often just by connecting with the emotion in this way It can change so just allow your child some space to sit with it.

You can ask your child:

• If It was a calmer feeling what colour would It be?
• What shape would It be
• Would the sound be different?

Suggest to your child that they can now change the emotion to the feeling that they want, the feeling that they feel calmer and happier.

Practise this yourself and you too can change how you feel.

Gratitude is a good way to help you and your child think positively. My children used a special stone to do this. You can go for a walk to find one and then on an evening they hold the stone and think of 5 things that they are grateful for. It could be five things that they’ve enjoyed about their day. If you don’t want to use a stone, then they could use something else. Teenagers/young people tend to use a journal. They can do this 1st thing in the morning and last thing at night. You as an adult will also benefit from doing this. It doesn’t take long and is a great way of feeling good, and it reminds you of all of the good in your life rather than getting caught up in the negatives.